Each month we submit a photo for a Caption Competition and welcome as much humour, abuse and ridicule as possible ! The winner of each month will win a pint at the club. If you think you have a suitable photo, please let us know, wrfc@fsmail.net 

December Caption Winner Calf watches over “England Supporter” Gareth Lewis   Winner of the pint was Martin Norton with. ”Calf those roses look like leeks to me!” Other entries were, "Since he retired, Andy's new hobby of making volcanic table decorations had gained many admirers" “About as much chance as them tuning into a buch of daffodils as Wales winning the world cup Gareth!!” ”Come on Gareth, altogether now … and did those feet of ancient time, walk upon…” “Englands acceptance of all nationalities for their players had now spread into their supporters” “Agent Merriman manages to spot the Welsh infiltrator in the World Cup Celebration Dinner – these Celts would do anything for a free lunch”. “Gareth is clearly amused by Andy’s dress sense … the invitation did say smart didn’t it ?” “Gareth thinks to himself, if those buggers publish that, they are in trouble”

November Caption Winner Feisty gives Smorley some “treatment”   Winner of the pint was Chris “Larry” Baker with, ”Another two out of the closet!”   Other Entries were, “Feisty tries the old Vulcan mind transfer” “Who says blondes can’t read peoples minds ?” “I can’t see any fleas yet” “Feisty enjoys the rare moment of looking down on someone” “Someone had told Feisty she would get some of Smorleys speed by this method – who says blondes are stupid!” ”With Fish unable to provide the massage, Smorley gets a friend to help”

October Caption Winner Ginge and Brillo share a moment at the Club Dinner Winner of the pint was Andy Bee with, Brillo was very pleased to win first place in the "Angus from AC/DC look-alike" competition. However Ginge was not taken with his "Martin Clunes-alike" award. Other entries, "So Ginge, do you think I’ll win the best dressed newcomer award tonight?” “I got this tie from Uncle Dale” “Ginge gets tense in front of the camera but Brillo takes the more laid back approach” “So Ginge, do you really think you look like Keith Floyd in that bow tie?” “Owen taught me how I should dress for the Club Dinner” “Ginge grimaces but is still not sure to tell Brillo abut his armpit problem” “That b*gger Romaine, told me it was Beach Party attire at the club dinner”

September Caption Winner   Copper, Strutty and Dan get distracted by Charlie on the Golf Day   Winner of the pint was, Paul Copperwheat with ” Dan liked the book because their were far more pictures than words.”   Other Entries were, Charlie felt it was his duty to help the special needs folk. Now just run that by us again, Charlie, we should change our angles more when joining the line.... how? After neither of his mates knowing how to read, Dan asks young Charlie for some help. Strutty was pleased that Charlie had helped him add up his score card. Charlie shows the lads a clothing catalogue. Charlie saying “No Dan it’s Thomas the TANK not W***”

August Caption Winner   Chats and Toby at the Bampton Shirt Race.   “Rumours were true, Witney do have a new change of kit. Nice choice Roy!”, wins Paul Copperwheat a pint .... didn't look as silly as the England World Cup kit though !   Other entries were, “Toby or not Toby?, Chats is the question” . "Trust me, if you keep eating it you will eventually get a red tassle growing out of your head just like mine" “The DM does Lord of the Rings auditions were in full swing”. “Some people will do anything to become “Ginga’s”. “Why are they called Santa’s little helpers?”. “Chats hat stands tall while Toby’s droops sadly – no comment”

July Caption Winner Calf dries off after cooling off in a swimming pool. Winner of the pint was Paddy with,  "Scientists have released the first pictures showing the horrific symptoms of how foot & mouth can effect calves" Other entries, "I can't breath in any more. The towel will drop !!" "Anybody know how I get out of this Sumo Wrestling suit???" "Andy obviously thought that he could pull off the beckham sarong look. It wasn't till later that he discovered he couldn't." "Andys shorts were certainly not used to that size of thing." "Andys audition for the new Bubbles character in Little Britain looked a certainty!" "Witneys new skin tight rugby jerseys proved quite revealing." "OK Calf, it’s the right colour but definitely not the right size."

June Caption Winner  Marc Copperwheat on his Antipodean travels.   Winner was Tim Muller with, "Mark was pleased by his brother's (Simon) suprise visit, but even more shocked by his dramtic weight loss"! Other entries, ‘What do you mean you’ve already pulled my brother?!?’ "Marc finally sees his true reflection!" "Even though Marc's latest conquest hadn't bothered doing her bikini line, it was still true love" "What do you mean your dating Owen!!" "Marc's date didn't even fancy a slice of kebab - that normally does the trick" "Marc was surprised at Dave Wicks plan for cheaper pork scratchings." "As Marc left the morning after, he wished he hadn't of had that last couple of beers"

May Caption Winner  Club Captain "Bob" at the Cup Final. "Sorry love someone's sitting there" wins Matt Watts a pint.   Other entries included, "I was sat on the front row when I farted" "As usual the Witney support was second to none, Bob thought someone said there was free beer!!" "Must try that new perfume I have!" "Bob thought she'd sit with the Quins supporters" "Has the no smoking ban come early?" "Not Bob....................Billy" "I am just waiting for Owen" “I guess my farts do stink!!” "Bob knew it was her round but thought she had found a safe hiding place"

April Caption Winner Charlie Dunbar gets a thirst on! Winner was Chris Delaney with, "And no you're not having any dad, now f... off" Other entries, "Charlie can drink like a Fish!" "My names not Dunbar for nothing" " Just like dad, fed first at the breast, then on the bottle; been fixated on both ever since!" "The drink for men and 'ME!!" "I ' ll have this bottle in future Mother. Sod my milk!!" "What are you looking at??? dad & mum do it , why can't I??" "This is my weaning bottle, thank you" "I have passed the age of 18, so I now can have the more fulfilling stuff!" "Charlie you have to be 18 years old! Not 18 MONTHS OLD !!!!" "Yo ho ho and a bottle of mum." "I can take my drink, not like them adults!" "Surely a young fella should be on 'lumps'." "Young Dunbar sneaks a drink while mum and dad aren't looking" "This beer stuff is OK but you can't beat the real thing(s)".

March Caption Winner  Danny Crump and Phil Harper at last seasons Cup Final.  Winner was ex-player Paul Bee with, “Danny and Phil showed everyone the reasons for the overflowing problem in  the gents” Other Entries included, “According to Danny size does matter !” “Phil smoking a cigar...............must have been last years final.” “Danny and Phil show us why dogs are prohibited from the pitches.” "Ye well yours may be bigger than mine, but I bet I smoke more". “Danny and Phil really entered into the spirit of the 'Make a model of Mr Hanky the Christams Poo' competition” “His may be bigger but I bet mine lasts longer” “Danny proved to Phil that his high fibre diet was working.”

February Caption Winner  Is all smiles for skipper Jez and physio Sarah ! Winner was Andy “Caption King” Merriman with, ” This time Hollywood was not quite so lucky....taking off both arms!” Other Entries were, “Ok, he's bigger than me, but if he goes down pretending to me injured I'll soon wipe that smile of his face!” ”Hey wee one, run and get Rabsey another pint!” ”Sarah was pleased with her efforts at patching up the 1st XV skipper but then realized she had forgotten to release his arms” “Jez grimaced as he realized the pint was not for him”

January Caption Winner  Goz has a chat with a spectator Winner was ex-player Dave “Moose” Campion with, "Look into my eyes. Not around my eyes - just look at my eyes ..." Thanks to all who had a go this month, some crackers …….. “Are you sure I'm your'e dad?” Goz: "Now, that's a pint of lumps and a pack of Royals please" “Excuse me Miss, could we have our ball back please?” “Now look here young lady, these really are my ears” “Will you please stop shooting at me” ”Now the second thing about being a good prop is…….. “ "Andrew, you are far too young and handsome to be a granddad". ”So I said to Shane Warne you will never be  any good unless you change your grip” ”So that's two pints one for me and one for me.” ”Yes Gossey the physio's do seem to get younger.” ”Did I ever tell you about time I took 5 for twenty,  Yes uncle Goz loads of times.“ "Uncle Goz, how many front teeth are you missing". “Goz explains how many tries he has scored this season”.

December Caption Winner  Gareth “Snaz” Campbell and Simon “Floppy”Copperwheat do some “exercise on a trampoline.   Winner of the pint was ex-player turned referee Kevin Duffy with, “Its alright Snaz, he's still warm”.   Other entries,     "Suck not blow!”.     ”Matt Watts’s revolutionary training techniques were not always obvious ones”.     ”If you really love me you will swallow that!”     ”Simon had been told to get more protein in his diet”     ”The London Olympic Gold medal in the trampolining pairs still looked a long way off”.     “Team Bonding”     ”Warning – binge drinking can have unwanted results”

 

November Caption Winner Glyn Davis and girlfriend Karen. Winner of the free pint was Glyn himself with, (In Glyn’s head) “If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar let me know…” Other Entries were, “Karen---Where's the nearest deodarant shop??” "One of these shirts must fit! Karen be a love and go into the changing room and see if there are any shirts numbered 1,2 or 3 left!" “Same time next week Karen !” “Glyns unique pre match warm up was once again complete (very quickly according to Karen), girlfiriend Karen looked forward to the end of the season” “It was bad news for Glyn as Karen decided to watch Riki change instead!” ”Ooooh Mr Darcy” “Before coming to Witney, Glyn never could find the right rugby shirt to match his shorts.”

October Caption Winner Club Captain, “Bob” ponders Winner was “debutant” Nick Godfrey with, “Mmm........... boyfriend material not boyfriend material, boyfriend material not boyfriend material?? ahh sod it lets go for it!!!!!” Others were, “OH Sh!T, I've dropped my fag in his pint!!!!” “mmmm, he's not a ref but still might be worth a go!” “Bob may have retired, but she was still on the bench”. Bob looks at the caption competition of herself in the programme and wonders "Oh no how bad could this get?" “Bob wished the programmes font was little bigger and even contemplated getting up to go and find one of her own” “The pre-match nerves showed as Bob bit her nails, Charlie slept, Becky gazed and Andrew wondered where his advert was in the programme”

 

September Caption Winner Tim and Rollo enjoying themselves down under . “Ben kept his space blanket in an unusual place” wins a pint for the caption king (quiet of late though), Andy Merriman.   Thanks to all who had a go. Other entries,   “Dam strange breath test they have down under” ”Tim’s latest ventriloquist dummy could do all sorts of tricks” “Rollo used all available props while doing his Dave Martingale impression”. ”Are you sure you can eat humming birds” ”Anything Steve Aldridge can do with a condom, Ben can do with foil”. “Rollo had picked up Gary Glitters hankerchief while traveling in Thailand”.

August Caption Winner Will has a damp moment at the Club Dinner  “Another year, another fruitless awards campaign for Will but Harry's prostate massage soon cheered him up.” wins Will Worrall a pint ! (Its always nice to see the star of the caption comp having a go.)   May good entries this month, as you can see below. “That's nice Harry.” Will to Scottie,  "Are you sure you got the grease stain off of the camera lens?" “Pissed again” “The anticipation of Awards Night was all too much for some people” “Just thinking about Saturday Night Fever got Will excited” “Will's old headmaster was right -  light coloured suits should only ever be worn by faggots” “Will's early attempts to draw attention to his penis enlargement weren't that successful” “Will´s celebration was a little premature" “Through the evening it became apparent that Will had even less control over his bladder after a few drinks than Merriman had over his mouth on the pitch.” “Everyone knew that the Godfrey's had both size and ball control. “ “Will began to think the black leathers would have been a better idea than the blue crushed velvet” “Will was proud of his speed of the mark – most of the time” “Looks there had been some unwanted seepage from the F1 team” Harry saying "if you think that's bad have a look at the back". “Looks like will pissed up again (should have been down)” “Saturated night fever”

July Caption Winner Dan,Copper and Lou at the Golf Day. “Dan would love to join the lads for some naked fun and games but his mum hasn’t turned up to remove and fold his clothes” wins Stu Wilkins a pint. Others, Simon: Bend over more Lolly, Danny has to hit it where it lies! “Some of the lads thought the Witney RFC annual streaker competition was spoilt by unwanted golfers running amok” “Dan prepares to take Copper and Lou up the back nine” “Dan looks for Coppers wood, and finds a driver” “The sky sports deal fell through when tv bosses questioned how serious the competition was” “The green keepers were shocked by the size of the cat shit in the bunkers after Coppers round” "Hello Tinky-Winky" “The 19th hole was revealed!” “I said change your shot not your shorts” “Dan thought the Queensberry Golfing Ettiquette of dressing for every hole a bit much.” “In a bid to to avoid paying the green fees, Lolly an Copper desperately tried to climb into their golf bags.” “Dan contemplates a hole in one.” “The summer temperatures had got to some of the golfers.”

June Caption Winner Gareth's Nose Needs some attention. “Sarah, I think the VICK is starting to work”. .... wins Paul Copperwheat a pint.   Other entries, Never mind my nose, can you do something with my hair?   Always considered a powerhouse on the pitch, even Gareth's friends were a little surprised when he started smoking  Only men bleed.... Right nostril says to left nostril " I'll see your green bogey and raise it a white one" Trying to emulate Aldo’s famous condom trick, Gareth got himself in a bit of a mess. Gareth regretted partying all night with Pete Doherty. He may not have liked what Sarah put in the left nostril but what was she preparing for the right one. Tampax Tampons – for all occasions.

May Caption Winner Remy In Action ! (Ref is old friend from Bicester, Dave Clayton) "The investiture of Sir Remy of Martinshire as he joins the quest to bring back the Holy Grail of the Rugby World Cup to England" wins Kevin Duffy a pint. Other entries, "Keep going Remy - he might change it to a penalty try!" "While your down there" .... obvious but still a good one ! "I agree with you remy the ref should have used Mum?" "Yes I spit not swallow!" "Witney really did go to extreme lengths to see if the ref would reverse his decision" "Sorry ref I’m a little deaf I thought you said buccaneer!!" "I don't care if you do take your teeth out, you're still off" "Your sins are forgiven my son, now take the bloody penalty" "The boys listened intently to the referee's assistant as to why it was a penalty" "Is it any wonder why Witney kept winning the referees award each season ?"

April Caption Winner Fish gets a bit fresh with Chats Winner of the pint was Roger Dore with, "Fish and tits.". Other entries were, "That evening, Chats was a right handful". Fish says to Smorley " And if you think I feel a right tit, you ought to see the guy behind you" Red Bull might give you wings but........ Fish " I feel a right tit!" fish feels a right tit. Fish try's to find the winners jug. The new fitness training really seems to have transformed one of the Angels. Feel tit of Fish Fish Fingers Fresh Fish !

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